Today is The Day
I was looking through some old Journal entries of mine and I found the entry that I wrote on
Tuesday, July 7th, 2015, a month after my 40th birthday. It was the day that putting on my favorite yellow pants confirmed to me that this weight release stuff is deeper than the physical. It's about the mental, emotional, spiritual and so much more. Read below the day I began my own weight loss journey, the day I became the client. The day I said "Personal trainers are real people too!"
Today is the day that I have been putting off for months now. I begin and then I don’t follow through. I talk about it, even advertise it to friends, colleagues and clients and again I begin and I don’t follow through. At first I said to myself, “Are you scared to put yourself out there? Are you scared to be transparent? Are you scared what people will say?” Then I said, “Nope… That’s not it…” If I’m being honest, the reason I begin, then I stop and I don’t follow through is because I know once I start, I have to finish. There will be no more excuses, no more saying “Oh. I’ll start next week,” and I will finally have to truly look at the ‘man in the mirror,’ figure out the real problem and truly do something about it. I will have to sit down, write out my goals, set realistic goals and milestones like I do with my clients. It will be the first time in a long time that I get to put in real work and work harder that I ever have in order to reach my goals. I get to work mentally, physically, spiritually and even tap into all that emotional stuff that’s in there. Oh, and I just turned 40 a month ago, so I'm going through that mental stuff of thinking I would be in a different space at this age. And in the same breath, I'm so grateful to be here at 40. Grateful for this moment to be alive and opportunity and time to make some changes. I get to jump start that metabolism. And…now…failing is not an option.
So, what am I referring too? Today, Tuesday, July 7th, I weigh the heaviest I have ever weighed in my life. I don’t look bad, but I feel bad. If you don’t know me you probably wouldn’t know. To those that know me, you probably notice, my face is fuller, my boobs are bigger, hips are wider and my butt is huge! I hide it very well under cute stylish sweat shirts and supportive workout tights that bring it all in. But once I take my clothes off and do the mirror test, it’s a whole other story. The only cool thing about it all, I have boobs and I have never really had boobs…HEE-heee!:) It’s the first time that I have a stomach that I try to hide in spanks or workout tights. I still have abs though, which is weird. You can see them trying to still peak out under the layer of pounds I’ve put on.
Most of my clothes don’t fit. It takes me longer to get dress because I’m uncomfortable with the clothes I put on because either I can’t pull my expensive jeans over my hips, or the cute dress I wore last year doesn’t even zip; my cool tanks that I wear every summer are clinging uncomfortably to my love handles and my favorite bright yellow pants I brought from Zara last year... Oooh Lawd! I can pull them up, hey I can even zip them but…. they are shorter in length because my leggs, hips and ass are bigger. So it forces the pants to rise up. But the “thing” that takes the cake —- the “thing” that made me once again face that this is getting out of control —- the “thing” that I saw this spring for the first time in a dressing room that I have been trying to ignore —— but clearly putting on these yellow pants this weekend and staring at myself in my full length closet mirror in silence, while my boyfriend watches TV in the living room… that “thing” is the CELLULITE that I can see through these bright ass yellow pants that looked great last year. Oooh Lawd! The truth is in the yellow pants HONEY!
There it is… that “thing…” cellulite looking at me in my face through my "favorite yellow" pants. I have never had cellulite in my life! Shit, I’ve been an athlete all my life, in amazing shape, always active, eat pretty well…DOUBLE Shit…I’m freak’n “Get Fit with Nik!!” Well at this moment I feel more like “Get Fat with Nik…” Oooohh, did Say that? WTF!!! If the dressing room earlier in the year didn’t make me get a hold of this, If being transparent at a Conference hasn’t made me get a hold of this… if feeling uncomfortable hasn’t forced me to do something…then I guess it took a pair of bright yellow pants to show the uncomfortable imperfections of cellulite on my legs and butt and my stomach fighting to get out of the pants that are smothering it to death to finally say…It’s time Nik! It took a pair of yellow pants to force me to say, “It’s not only that I physically don’t like what I see, I don’t like how I feel.”
It’s time to make a change. It’s time to take my own personal training advice and finally “Get Fit withNik!” Follow me as I go through my weight release journey, stop making excuses to go after my goals and dreams and just do the damn thing. Follow me as I take on my toughest and most emotional client yet…me!! It’s time…Follow me as I share that “Personal Trainers Are Real People Too...” And, the truth is in the yellow pants! —-NK